Insights

The Conscious Uncoupling Conundrum

Written by Kelly Johnson on 02/9/2016

Thanks to my friend, Debbie, and a glass of red wine, I learned a new phrase this weekend—conscious uncoupling. If you have heard this phrase before, chances are that your mind immediately goes to Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow, the celebrity poster couple for conscious uncoupling. During the Super Bowl Halftime Show this weekend, I couldn’t help but wonder if this conscious uncoupling was the reason why Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, looked so happy . . . or perhaps it was just the cuteness of the PuppyMonkeyBabyi commercial. Either way, I am sort-of obsessed with this conscious uncoupling concept.


Conscious uncoupling seems equally ridiculous and ingenious. It simultaneously makes no sense and complete sense. It seems doable and impossible. Any conundrum of this sort is worth looking into, right?


Here’s the short version of what conscious uncoupling is: Uncoupling is an alternative to a nasty divorce, where the couple parts amicably and keeps mutual respect for each other.ii, iii Keep reading; it gets better. There is an inherent assumption that we are all in some way full of past emotional injuries that need fixing and the partner is not the actual cause of the current argument. What?!  Within each argument, we need to look inside ourselves for an internal object that needs healing.iv The conscious part of the uncoupling occurs when we become so self-aware that we recognize our partners as our teachers, allowing him/her to help us evolve our internal, spiritual support structure.v

So, if we choose to accept that our partner is not making us stark raving mad, but in fact, teaching us a lesson about ourselves, the acceptance will counterbalance a negative internal object and our spirits will be whole.


Isn’t this horrible and amazing? Doesn’t this sound completely theoretical and humanly impossible?


While I cringe at the thought of not placing all of the blame for marital arguments on my husband, wink wink, I truly believe that reflecting internally prior to an explosive reaction could be very helpful. I also agree with this concept because it is so much better for everyone involved, especially the children. If they sense an argument coming on, but instead see and feel that their parents are keeping their cool and working it out with mutual respect, the kids are happier, healthier, and less stressed. It seems that we should all strive to be more conscious prior to the uncoupling or perhaps to prevent the uncoupling.


While attempting conscious uncoupling and achieving it are two very distinct tasks, it couldn’t hurt to try this out if you are going through a separation or divorce. (Links to more information provided below). I plan to put pieces of this concept to work in my own marriage (why wait?). For each time that I feel the fire rise up from my very soul for something my husband has done or said, I will think of the PuppyMonkeyBaby and how it was a conundrum of cuteness and terror. Hopefully, that internal image will distract me long enough to remind me to be conscious of my reactions, remain self-aware, and avoid uncoupling.

 

 

I. PuppyMonkeyBaby https://youtu.be/ql7uY36-LwA
ii.  http://katherinewoodwardthomas.com/http://www.consciousuncoupling.com/
iii. Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami http://goop.com/conscious-uncoupling-2/
iv. Id.
v. Id.